How can I not follow up on my post about Kavanaugh and Blasey? I know, you are saturated, having read what?…10-100 stories about it in the last 2 days? Listened, watched, bathed in the news of it all…almost drowning in rhetoric, in bombast and opinion? But let’s face it, I did ramble on and on about Oz in a blog about all this, so I must sprinkle a some new drops here.
From tears to rage, I was filled with so much emotion that I took to Twitter just to talk to someone, anyone…to spew my thoughts into the ether, adding to the collective groans and gapes, winces and cringes.
My takeaway, in brief, cryptic bullet points. You fill in the blanks. Privilege. Power. Frat boy culture. Two realities, two truths. Courtroom antics, courtroom acumen, courtroom blunders. Real tears. Real fears. Real lives, vulnerable, fragile. Political people and pundits, proud, blind, subsumed by their own myopia. Incredibly compelling. Sad. Furious. Never joyful.
Now, let’s look at the devil in the details: (warning – what follows is fairly light-hearted. Don’t confuse my impulse to be light-hearted with not taking it seriously…believe me. I believe her. And I believe it is serious)
Imagine with me, if you will, the wardrobe/makeup staff behind the camera:
“Wear a blue suit Dr. Blasey. Blue is the most neutral color you can possibly wear on TV, while giving us a whiff of patriotism, a touch of conservatism, and hint of class. Don’t have one? We’ll buy one for you.”
“Wear your hair down, and let’s get it less bleached looking. It’s okay if it falls into your face, it makes you look more like the ‘girl next door,’ and less like a magazine cover. We need that, that hominess. Keep the glasses, they’re perfect for the intellectual look we’re going for…but take them off on occasion–you’ll find taking your glasses on and off a comforting action, a good use of props. No, leave the pearls at home, they’re too obvious.”
“Now Ms. Mitchell…you need to be a mix of masculine and feminine. Let’s get that hair to curl a little bit, it’ll soften you up. You need to be an attack kitten, not a bulldog. The boring necklace, the boring blazer, yes, yes yes… we want you to “disappear” and we’re on the right track.”
Grassley – you look old and cranky no matter what we do to you.”
“Cory, Cory Cory…” Shave that head down to the shine buddy… you look young and fiery, but distinguished and cool all at the same time. Nice work. We’ll add some emphasis to that already wrinkled brow to give you that “extra sincere” look.
“Brett… that’s right…black looks judge-like, strong and powerful. Keep the blue tie and white shirt. Your basic power uniform. Oh? You have a lot of those? Okay, we don’t need to buy you one. Don’t forget to loosen your jacket when you sit, it makes you look formal but not stiff. Oh, dear, we forgot to provide you with a good cotton hankie to blubber into…don’t use your sleeve, though I know the little boy inside you wishes you can. We can’t really make you look less white, though that would be helpful right now. Oh well. We can’t really take that look of privilege off your brow, it’s down deep in there. Okay, whatever you do, don’t smile.”
“Wardrobe for the rest of you…BORING, that’s the look. Ted, Ted…(Cruz), do you even own any other jacket? That’s okay, most people find you despicable anyway. The rest of you? You know the drill…blue or gray, white shirts, red or blue ties. Save your lace for election night parties. Lindsey…?”
“Dr. Blasey, it’s okay, you can drink a coke, or some coffee…
but don’t ask for Chai tea! …you’ll lose the Trump base in one second.” “Brett…you have to stick to water, though we know you’d rather have a tall one.”
“Ashley? I know, you must wear dark dark colors. I know, you already look sad enough, I get that. We don’t need a touch of shadow for you, believe me. But you can’t wear pink, it just doesn’t work for the liberal women who are watching. And absolutely no red…anywhere, not even your nails! Yes, wear those long, dangling earrings because you’ll look more like the Northern California bastion of bleeding hearts, who sometimes pick up their earrings from those “nice street artists.”
“Now, a last note to all of you before you go on: This is important for being in front of the cameras:
Don’t sweat too much. You know what happened to Nixon, right?”
“Okay folks…give ’em hell out there. On five…lights, camera, action…. ”
3 thoughts on “The devil is in the details: Kavanaugh and Blasey (imaginary) production notes.”
Yes yes yes (no commas). This really has been a play. I don’t mean “a play” like on a stage, but rather “play” as in a play hearing. It is pretend; it is farce. Even the Lindsey fracas is farce. By the “investigate” they mean “if you find something, keep it “in the vest” and “don’t let it out of the gqte.”
Fantastic piece of farce, Rachel. You too Flake, Brett, and naked Emperor Donald.
Witty to a tee
Surely all this theater is a component of realpolitik. If we groan over voter apathy in close elections, small mistakes in politics that would have won a close election, then surely all the players also need “handlers” for similar purposes? How many votes from a haircut or a bow tie? The advertising axiom is, “half of all advertising expenses are a waste, but you’ll never know which half.” That just means you’re always paying double for a mythically-perfect message. And in some cases, a steal at twice the price.