Hey everyone, I’m back. For now.
Match Dot Com.
First, let’s be clear – seeking connections online is risky. Duh… Seeking connections by looking at a few selfies and reading “summaries” is pretty absurd, yes? I get that. But the idea/the expectation of finding a few folks to get to know with a few clicks …pretty tempting. For some time, I’ve wondered, wow…what kind of middle -aged men are “out there” these days, who are these people? A few folks (men only) have told me, “oh there’s so many people out there, just looking for a good chat or sweet connection of some kind…it doesn’t have to be heavy, etc…” Something, someone new? A tiny bit of anticipation? A little excitement? What could hurt?
Okay, after peeking around for a bit, I finally paid to give people a chance to respond to my Profile. Paying to meet people..? UGH. My millennial daughter:– “get over it mom, that’s just how it is, no biggee.” Okay…here’s my credit card # — UGH.
Okay…it’s time for that flood of curious, good-looking, smart, witty, charming, middle aged men to ring in. Surely, this will be easy, right? Like my men friends said, “there’s so many people out there…”
I pay the toll, so I can cross the bridge. I send a few hellos… Quick and Light…”Hi there. It looks like we might share a few interests.” God, I’m good…such a wordsmith.
Nothing in response. Nothing…I’m talking Nothing.
Rinse and repeat.
No “likes,” no notes.
Match lets me see who has “viewed me.” Wow…I got 4 “views” but not a single “like.” No notes. More views, more silence. More notes from me, more silence, more nothingness. So, they “view me” and then they don’t like me. Okay. Wow.
I get theoretical. Is the old adage true? Men want young, glamorous, fertile, blonde women to wear on their arms at dinner parties? Men on Match sometimes post: “looking for…” and then they post an age quite younger than they are. I’m serious here people!
I rework my profile; what have I done wrong? I revise my Summary: Quicker and Lighter… Confession: I post a new selfie, one with more eye makeup, longer earrings, a flirtatious smile… I send a few more hellos. I never get heavy, or hint that I’m a writer and all that…stuff. “Hey there, nice photo. Hey there…I like hiking too.” (god, I’m good)
Not a word.
Do I get mad? Do I get hurt?
I’m 60… I have some wrinkles, but I’m so hard to look at—I look pretty healthy and fit—it takes a little effort these days, but I have all my original body parts (I thought this was a good thing?). Moreover, I’m not looking for a husband (I thought this was a good thing?), just a little company maybe…I’m chatty and warm, I read books, stay informed, have oft been told I can be quite the witty and sharp conversationalist. I can be Quick and Light.
Is it possible that the very attributes that worked for me 40 years ago work against me today? Is it me, or has the world changed? I thought men liked smart, fierce, strong women…Did I live in a bubble? Or is it that I’m just not blonde, young, or glamorous. I don’t wear lip gloss?
I prefer to see this as social commentary, but maybe it’s just ego…I’m rejection whining.
Is it possible? Middle aged men have an easy time dating and middle aged women …well, we don’t? Is the old adage still true, after all this work, all these struggles? Whoops, what happened to Quick and Light?
I hope one of you readers is furious right now. How dare I generalize? how dare I make sweeping assumptions? I hope you’re fuming, “that’s NOT how it is…sure, some men this, some men that, but all men? Oh Pllleeasse.” Okay…bring it on… convince me that it’s not a societal flaw at all…we’ve come a long way baby and all that… we’re all so …evolved now.
WAIT – don’t tell me that…if you’re right, then I really am just a loser…don’t tell me that. I can’t even get a follow up note on Match.com…
WAIT … if you’re reading this and you’re “available”…send me a hello? (JK)
WAIT…if you’re reading this, to hell with Match.com… I already have what I want and need. Maybe.